I played with guns when I was a child and I'm okay! 

But ...

Times have changed!

Results of the November 2, 2003 Violent Toy Store Survey. A good website with more information is the The Lion and the Lamb Project. Listen to a National Public Radio report from October 2003  about the impact of the video game industry and its lobbyists on the U.S. Federal Trade Commission hearings looking into the impact of video game violence on children.

What's so different?

Children today are surrounded by images of violence, far more than when we parents were children.  We played the odd games of "cops and robbers" and went on to other games. 
Television and toys have combined to have a much greater impact than they used to:

• Today's children watch more TV
• The TV they watch is more violent and realistic
• Most violent action toys are based on TV characters many shows are basically 1/2 hour commercials for the toy spin-offs
• Creative play is reduced as children re-enact the television show's plot

What do violent toys and TV teach?

Children learn that there are always only "good guys" and "bad guys."  It is always necessary to use force in order to "win."  Pretending to kill and fight is fun and acceptable.  "Real men" never compromise, but fight for what is right, and "real women" are usually pretty and helpless.

Pink for girls and blue for boys

Today's commercials and toys are more sexist than ever.  Commercials for "girl-toys" are full of smiling faces, pretty music and pastel colours, while commercials for "boy toys" tend to be loud, aggressive, and filled with angry, intense faces.  At a very early age, boys are steered toward aggressive, fighting toys and girls are encouraged to play with nurturing or fashion toys exclusively.

Don't put kids in boxes

When children are forced into rigid roles, both boys and girls lose.  Boys miss out on social skills such as cooperation, negotiation and communication, while girls miss out on skills such as manipulation, exploration and spatial skills.

"But Mom, all my friends have one!"

Probably the hardest challenge for both parent and children is peer pressure.  Kids want to be just like their friends, and being different is very difficult.  In the early years, parents can lessen the problem by connecting with families that have similar values, and by talking with other parents about their concerns.  However, once kids are in school, parents have less influence.  This is the time to communicate family values and to reassure children that being different makes them special and unique.  Some parents will allow one or two action toys but throw away any weapons included with the toy.  The good news?  More and more parents have concern about violent toys and TV and are happy to find others who feel the same way.

"If kids don't have guns, they'll use their fingers, sticks or bananas to make guns..."

There is a big difference between buying a toy gun and making a gun out of a stick.  Most importantly, by purchasing a gun for your child, you are giving approval for this kind of play - you are saying it is okay to pretend to kill someone.  The simple act of saying no these toys is conveying a value to your child.  On a more practical level there is only one thing you can do with a gun, with a banana you can always eat it!  With Lego, you can take it apart and make a house, or a car, or spaceship or...

What's a parent to do?

Turn off the TV
The TV-toys connection keeps getting stronger -most violent toys are based on keeps getting stronger - most violent toys are based n television programs that are basically 1/2 hour commercials for the toys.  If kids don't watch the shows, they are not as likely to want the toys.

Just say no
This is almost as hard as turning off the TV.  We have been conditioned to make our children happy and saying no to them does not make them happy!  However, just as we do not allow them to eat only candy, we parents also have the power to monitor their access to toys, TV programs and other entertainment that we consider unhealthy.

Show them alternatives
Don't try to replace a gun or an action figure with a craft set!  One of the reasons - boys in particular -  like violent toys is because of the feeling of power and control that these toys give them.  There are many alternatives available that give them this feeling of power - from remote control cars and racing sets to flashlights and water toys.  There are many more play sets now available that have underwater or outer space themes that do not need to be violent.

Show them new ways to play with toys
Expand their play so that hey can get beyond simply playing bad guy, good guy all the time.  Ask the child questions - "Does the bad guy have a family?", or get the child to set up a hospital to take care of injuries.  Use the action figures to set up rescue missions in the mountains or to help natural disasters.

Most importantly, talk to your children
Explain why you don't like certain toys, TV shows or video  games (killing is not fun, you don't like the idea of him/her even pretending to kill or hurt someone, there is too much violence in the world already, you understand that they are only playing, but you still don't like it, etc.)
Be prepared for lots of arguments "But mom, this gun is a good gun, it shoots good rays.  Not bullets!"  "But Dad, we are just pretending."  Even if children continue to play in these ways, you have made them think.  Children can understand much more than we adults sometimes give them credit for, and deep down they are hearing what you are saying.  Teach them to think for themselves and to be proud that they are different!

The following three links will take you to articles which summarize the effects of violent video games, the research done about these games and offer suggestions for parents.

National Institute on Media and The Family Facts and Studies

Video Game Report Card

http://www.mediascope.org/pubs/ibriefs/vgv.htm

Related Sites

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